Tara Flannery is a Certified Professional Photographer (CPP), Photographic Craftsman, and Master of Photography based in Houston, TX. Tara Flannery Photography specializes in corporate headshots. See more headshots in the gallery. Contact me to book your professional headshot today!
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A Note from Tara
One thing I’ve learned after years of photographing people is that we can be our own toughest critics.
I can’t tell you how many times someone has stepped in front of my camera and immediately pointed out something they don’t like about themselves. Maybe it’s their smile, their weight, a wrinkle, or something they wish looked a little different.
And the funny thing is, those are rarely the things anyone else notices.
As a photographer, I get to see so much more. I see personality, confidence, warmth, and all the little things that make someone uniquely themselves. Helping my clients recognize those things in their own photographs is one of my favorite parts of what I do.
That’s why I’m especially excited to welcome Jennifer Barrett, a MindBody Coach and founder of Be Fit & Well Coaching in The Woodlands, to the blog today.
Jennifer works with women who are ready to move beyond the constant pressure to do more, be better, and fix themselves. And I think her message is something so many of us need to hear.
Her article is a beautiful reminder that the way we see ourselves, both in photographs and in everyday life, isn’t always the full picture.
I’ll let Jennifer take it from here.
What do you see when you look at yourself? A New Perspective on Self-Image
Guest Post by Jennifer Barrett | MindBody Coach
There’s something interesting about seeing ourselves in a photograph.
A great photographer (like our friend Tara!) can capture things other people see in us all the time—our smile, our personality, the way our eyes light up, the confidence we don’t always recognize in ourselves.
And yet, what do so many of us notice first?
The wrinkle. The arm flab. The extra weight. The grey hair. Or that moment when you think, Wait…when did I start looking so much like a weird combination of my mother and my father?
It’s funny, but it’s also a little heartbreaking. Someone else can look at the same photograph and see warmth, joy, strength or someone they love, while we immediately start looking for what’s wrong.
And we don’t just do this with photographs. We do it when we make a mistake, when we’re tired and don’t get everything done, when we skip a workout, eat more chips and queso than we planned, forget something important or realize we aren’t exactly where we thought we’d be at this point in our lives.
Why can’t I get more done? What is wrong with me? Why am I so tired? I can’t believe I did that. Why can’t I just get it together?
As human beings, we can be incredibly hard on ourselves. And for many of us, especially after years of working, raising families, caring for other people, trying to do the right things and keeping all the balls in the air, that voice has been around for so long that we barely notice it anymore. We may even think, This is just who I am.
When did we start talking to ourselves this way?
One of the things I often encourage my clients to do is simply pay attention to how they speak to themselves. Not fix it. Not replace every negative thought with a positive affirmation. And definitely not stand in front of the mirror repeating, “I love my body!” when they don’t believe it.
Just notice.
Because once we start paying attention, we’re often surprised by what we hear. We say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to our children, our friends or anyone else we love. And yet, somehow, when we say those same things to ourselves, we believe we’re being helpful.
The interesting part is that being hard on ourselves may actually have helped us along the way. Maybe Come on, work harder helped you build a successful career. Maybe You can rest when everything is done helped you take care of your family and keep your household running. Maybe criticizing your body motivated you to exercise, change how you ate or lose weight. Maybe expecting more from yourself helped you accomplish a lot.
When something seems to work, we tend to keep doing it. So it makes sense that we continue reaching for criticism, pressure and high expectations to motivate ourselves.
But there’s an important question we rarely stop to ask: At what cost?
A strategy can help you accomplish something AND still not be a particularly kind or sustainable way to live. You can get a lot done while constantly feeling behind. You can take care of everyone around you while ignoring what you need. You can make all the “healthy” choices while spending an enormous amount of mental energy worrying about whether you’re doing enough or doing the “right” things.
Eventually, life can start to feel like one long self-improvement project.
What if you simply stopped being so mean to yourself?
You don’t have to love every part of your body. You don’t have to pretend you like what you see in the mirror when you don’t. You don’t even have to stop wanting things to change. You can want to feel stronger, have more energy, take better care of yourself or change some habits.
But you can do all of those things without making yourself wrong first.
A mistake could simply mean you made a mistake—not that you’re an idiot. Feeling exhausted might mean you need a nap—not that you’re lazy. Eating the queso could mean you love queso—not that you “blew it” and need to start over on Monday.
From “What’s wrong with me?” to “What do I need?”
This is one of the simplest shifts I come back to again and again, both in my own life and in the work I do with my clients.
Instead of automatically asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What do I need?”
Those two questions lead us in very different directions.
“What’s wrong with me?” sends us looking for another problem to fix.
Maybe I need a stricter diet. Maybe I need to work out harder. Maybe I need another supplement. Maybe I need to be more disciplined, more productive, more positive or more motivated.
“What do I need?” asks us to pay attention.
Maybe you need rest. Maybe you need to move your body. Maybe you need to eat something. Maybe you need to say no. Maybe you need to call a friend, go outside, make the doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off, have a difficult conversation—or simply give yourself permission to stop trying to solve everything today.
And yes, this applies to the photograph too
The next time you see a photo of yourself and notice your eyes immediately searching for the wrinkle, the stomach or whatever your personal inner critic likes to find first, I hope you remember that the photograph is showing you a whole person—not a collection of things that need fixing.
A photograph gives us a rare opportunity to see ourselves from the outside. Maybe the next time you look at one, you can try seeing a little more of what the people who love you see.
And maybe that same kindness can begin to change the way you see yourself when there isn’t a camera around, too.
Try this for yourself.
The next time you notice yourself feeling stressed, depleted, frustrated with yourself or simply off, instead of immediately asking “What’s wrong with me?” or trying to figure out what you should be doing differently, pause and ask a different question:
“What do I need right now?”
That small shift—from judging or fixing yourself to getting curious about what’s actually going on—can help you respond to yourself with more intention instead of automatically pushing through, checking out or reaching for another complicated solution.
I created Know What You Need in 60 Seconds, a free 4-step check-in to help you do exactly that—for those moments when you know something feels off, but you’re not sure what will actually help.
Get the free 60-second check-in HERE.
About Jennifer Barrett
Jennifer Barrett is a Certified Health & Life Coach, Personal Trainer, and founder of Be Fit & Well Coaching in The Woodlands, TX. She helps women in midlife who are tired of doing all the “right” things but still don’t feel like themselves. Her approach goes beyond food, exercise, and hormones to help women connect the dots between their health and life, understand what’s getting in their way, and find a simpler, more sustainable way to feel better.
Connect with Jennifer on Instagram or learn more about her coaching.
Tara Flannery is a Certified Professional Photographer (CPP), Photographic Craftsman, and Master of Photography based in Houston, TX. Tara Flannery Photography specializes in corporate headshots. See more headshots in the gallery. Contact me to book your professional headshot today!
